It begins ...

 Today is the first official day of my bid to change my life through positive additions and positive reinforcement.

  This means that the rule is that I shall live life by choosing what gives positive consequences, including what needs to be done and what is a pleasure to do and, hopefully, finding a way to bring them together. I will be concentrating on adding elements to my life that help me to be healthier and happier, because healthier and happier is what I want to be. It is my choice.

  I will not dwell on the negative. Such as, last night, my sister told me "We have to stop eating candy."  She was feeling very guilty about the candy we just ate, plus I mentioned to her how much I now weigh.

  Do we have to stop eating candy, though? No, we do not. Why should we? Candy is enjoyable. However, we can be more selective and moderate in our candy eating, choosing to eat only the candies we really enjoy and only a piece or two at a time, so as to leave more for later and make what we eat more enjoyable.

 Well, I can. She doesn't think she can. If you, like her, do not think you can enjoy something in moderation, then, perhaps you need to change your views on enjoyment. Because, obviously, if you are eating candy and feeling guilty, later, over the amount, you are not truly enjoying the experience.

 Do you want to enjoy the candy or eat a whole lot of it? Is there an alternative to eating it in the same amount and in the same situation that you usually eat it?

  I can think of many alternative situations to bringing a bag of candy home and munching it while watching some HGTV, as we did.

  We could have made a game of it. Turned off the HGTV and said that after every bite, we must run around the couch three times.

  We could have said we will do 15 minutes of an exercise program before eating it.

  When I was at the store, I could have chosen to only buy one piece for each of us, instead of three pieces and a bordeaux bar. However, I knew I was going to be starting this journey today, having finally gotten to GNC to do my measurements,, which is all I was waiting for. I wanted to have one night of gorgeous, tasty candy loveliness from See's Candy. It was my special treat to the both of us, because, we are both about to leave the old lives we were living not quite successfully and move onto better things. She doesn't know that, yet; but, she'll notice, eventually.

 When I say that, about the special treat and all, by the way, this does not mean I will never go to See's Candy again, or that I am now making up rules as to how much candy I will or will not eat, directly after I said that those sort of rules will not exist. It only means that I purposely bought a very pleasurable treat of that candy, as a celebration of what is to come.

  This morning, I started the apple cider vinegar. I do not know where my measuring spoons are. Why? Let me show you something! These are photos, from a few months ago, of various bits of my home.

Not much has changed in the meantime. I mean, yes, it is less cluttered and therefore a little less messy, but, it is still something that would make many people cringe and run away in fright. Plus, part of the reason it got to looking that way is that someone broke in, repeatedly, and they stole many things and then I had some roommates that stole things, too. Yes, even kitchen stuff. For all I know, my measuring spoons were taken down to the recycling center. I hope not, but, I have not seen them in months. I also have not dismantled the whole kitchen to look for them, either.

 So, I do not know where my measuring spoons are and I could have said "Oh, I do not have a correct measuring spoon, so I may not start, until I get one." However, I chose to, instead, say "I want to start and I can. I'll just use this regular spoon." That is positive decision making!

  So, I have this nice, sturdy Arizona tea bottle (99 cents on sale) and a regular teaspoon, as in a smaller spoon of a regular silverware set, and here I go.

  I added one scant teaspoon (meaning it was not in danger of overflowing) to the bottle and filled the bottle with water. Now, I shall sip it throughout the day, regardless of what else I eat or drink.

 Why shall I do this? It is a positive step that I can afford to make, if experimental. Why is it a positive step? There is much anecdotal evidence that apple cider vinegar helps many problems that I experience, health-wise, and almost none that it would be bad for me in small quantities. It is something that is used for cooking and making drinks. It is not a poison and has no known side effects beyond those which might be experienced by any other food that is generally considered good for you. As in, I might find I am allergic to it, but, otherwise, there is not much to worry about. Let's explore some of the benefits it is alleged to have.

Vinegar, even just the regular white vinegar, is an ancient folk remedy, said to relieve many ailments, as well as being good for gardening and household cleaning uses. Apple Cider Vinegar is considered, by many, to be "ever so much more so" helpful, for health uses, than other vinegars, though the white is still preferred for other household uses.

  What is vinegar? In French, the word vinegar means "sour wine". Vinegar is primarily acetic acid, with other acids, mineral salts, amino acids and vitamins.

  Vinegar is created through fermentation, as the sugars in a food are broken down by bacteria and yeast. Alcohol is the first result, and further fermentation produces vinegar.

  According to Web MD, there are scientifically proven uses which apple cider vinegar may be put to, for your benefit:

"

Scientific Evidence of Apple Cider Vinegar Benefits

But there are some medical uses of vinegar that do have promise, at least according to a few studies. Here's a rundown of some more recent ones.

• Diabetes. The effect of vinegar on blood sugar levels is perhaps the best-researched and the most promising of apple cider vinegar's possible health benefits. Several studies have found that vinegar may help lower glucose levels. For instance, one 2007 study of 11 people with type 2 diabetes found that taking two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar before bed lowered glucose levels in the morning by 4%-6%.
• High cholesterol . A 2006 study showed evidence that vinegar could lower cholesterol. However, the study was done in rats, so it's too early to know how it might work in people.
• Blood pressureand heart health. Another study in rats found that vinegar could lower high blood pressure. A large observational study also found that people who ate oil and vinegar dressing on salads five to six times a week had lower rates of heart disease than people who didn't. However, it's far from clear that the vinegar was the reason.
• Cancer . A few laboratory studies have found that vinegar may be able to kill cancer cells or slow their growth.  Observational studies of people have been confusing. One found that eating vinegar was associated with a decreased risk of esophageal cancer. Another associated it with anincreased risk of bladder cancer.
• Weight Loss . For thousands of years, vinegar has been used for weight loss. White vinegar (and perhaps other types) might help people feel full. A 2005 study of 12 people found that those who ate a piece of bread along with small amounts of white vinegar felt fuller and more satisfied than those who just ate the bread.  

While the results of these studies are promising, they are all preliminary. Many were done on animals or on cells in a lab. The human studies have been small. Before we will truly know whether vinegar has any health benefits, much larger studies are needed."

 One of the things that apple cider vinegar has in it is chromium. Now, when I was lucky enough to see a naturopath- and I do mean lucky, because I had some money and because he cut me a break - I was informed that my intense cravings for steak and sweets, which alternate or come on all at once but are almost always present to some degree and are extremely present when I feel most worn out, are most likely the results of a need for chromium. 

  He suggested I take 400 mcg of Chromium per day. I did, for a while and during that time I not only ceased to suffer from intense cravings for sweets, but, I started to actively feel a sort of apathy with regards to them, and it began to turn to loathing. 

 I am a person who can, sometimes, drink tea without sugar and enjoy it and only drink it with sugar as a special treat. Yet, for the first time in my life, I went past that, to the point where I viewed tea with sugar in it as disgusting, and the sugar as something that destroyed the beautiful, natural flavor of the tea. It was weird! I liked it, though! 

 I could not afford to keep taking the chromium, even though it is quite possible to get it at a very reasonable price in many places. I can afford to use apple cider vinegar, even though a bottle of unpasteurized apple cider vinegar can cost a pretty penny, because, once it is saved up for and purchased, it lasts a very long time. I bought two bottles for less than $20 in food stamps. I no longer remember how much less, but, definitely less. Now, they had bottles of the same size that would have costed more like $32 for two bottles, but, I didn't buy those.  They had ones that were even cheaper than I bought, but, they were not unpasteurized and so would have not been near as good for my health, so I did not purchase them. I made the choice to purchase the right thing at the best price possible, instead of allowing myself to feel guilty for this self indulgence that may just mean someone gets less snack treats for themselves for one month.

 According to Earth Clinic, "Apple Cider Vinegar, that wonderful old-timers home remedy, cures more ailments than any other folk remedy -- we're convinced!"

  One benefit, is its affect to one's PH balance. The average western diet, filled with dairy, meat and grains, is highly acidic, while apple cider vinegar is alkaline. That is, unpasteurized apple cider vinegar is alkaline. Chemically pure vinegar, just acetic acid, is neither alkaline or acidic.

  There is a theory that our blood has a normal pH level between 7.35 - 7.45 and that our diet should reflect this pH level and that a diet high in acid-producing foods leads to excessive mucous production, irritability, headache, infections, lack of energy, anxiety allergies, gout and arthritis. Therefore, according to theory, the intake of more alkaline food and drinks can only be to the good, in reversing any of those disorders, assuming that this is the cause of them and that moderation of food intake is employed.

  My goal is to take the 2 tsp or organic apple cider vinegar in 16 oz of water, sipped throughout the day, at least one or two glasses, as is recommended on the Earth Clinic site, for now. However, as I have no measuring spoons, I am settling for what I can do and am very happy to have gotten started.

  I shall tell you that I have tried taking apple cider vinegar straight up, once and in water, once, since I bought it this last time and I very much appreciate the addition of the water. It takes it from being a strong, flowery, sour almost gag-inducing drink to a delightfully weird beverage.          

   I'm pretty sure that I could brew up some nice, strong tea and then, after cooling, add in some water mixed with apple cider vinegar, to make a very tasty drink, indeed.

  Also, I am thinking that the basic Master Cleanser Diet Plan drink -which is basically a lemonade made with cayenne pepper and maple syrup, of a grade that has much to recommend it by way of nutrients, for sweetener - enhanced with apple cider vinegar could really give one a great kick. Err .. in a good way!

  For now, it is enough that I have started and this, at least for this week, is all the major life change I intend to purposely make. Everything else that may happen, such as if I accidentally get some dishes washed, will be based on how I feel, time I have, and whatever else transpires. This is my addition to my life, this week. 

  Just so you know, when I tried the apple cider vinegar, both times as mentioned above, I had two different things happen. One, my sinuses started feeling a bit less stuffy, fairly immediately. Two, I had a fairly immediate need for a bowel movement, but, it was not anything that was painful or which indicated diarrhea, constipation or came with any ill feeling; which, I am sorry to inform you -because I'm sure you don't want to know this information but it might benefit you to, anyway - is very much different from most times I need to use the facilities in that manner. 

  I have been quasi-diagnosed with IBS. Quasi, I say, because I reject that diagnosis firmly. When a doctor says "IBS.", to my mind what they really mean is "I don't want to deal with further tests and arguing with your insurance carrier, so take this pill, feel slightly better and be quiet, you mangy cattle, you!" 

Why do I think this? For one thing, because every time they have attempted to diagnose me with IBS, they have always said "I don't know what's wrong with you." or "It doesn't appear to be any of the normal reasons." even though they have never tested for any of the things medical journals insist doctors should test for, nor have they gone out of their way to do further research past whatever the normal reasons are.

  I have been told, many times, however, by general practitioners, that I have to be wrong about any of my gut problems being related to Fibromyalgia, because Fibromyalgia does not exist; injuries to the abdominal region at various times in my life and untreated bouts of food poisoning, because there is no way that those things would not have been treated; allergies, because allergies cannot cause affects beyond a difficulty in breathing; and, a lot of other related rubbish, which is highly refuted by other practitioners of western medicine, practitioners of alternative medicine, and the evidence of what I have actually found to be helpful and why.

 This is not me telling you not to see a doctor or not to put your trust in them, however. Some doctors are very good and very helpful, and, even if your doctor is not the most peachy keen doctor around, they can be useful for monitoring your health as you start making positive changes, to make sure it all stays positive. 

  Just don't assume that your doctor knows everything. I had a doctor who insisted that the Yeast Overgrowth diet was absolute bunk. Yet, as we dug deeper into her reasons for this belief, what emerged was the fact that she had attempted to follow it, had failed to follow it, and was now rejecting it out of hand due to her own negative feelings about herself. 

  Doctors are not gods. They are only human and utterly capable of failure, envy, jealousy, greed, shame and every other negative emotion that we are all capable of. They are also persons who are trained only in certain methods and ideals. However, they are trained and they do have their uses. 

  Now, this IBS or possible IBS means that I spend much time with my gut hurting. I'm a very gassy individual and it is usually accompanied by great pains that make me wistful for the feeling of the onset of labor. Loose bowels, diarrhea and constipation are the norm for me. Therefore, this having had a normalish bowel movement after taking apple cider vinegar, both times, is a very good sign.

    I mentioned the Yeast Overgrowth diet, above, regarding a doctor's disdain for it. The reason I mentioned it is that the diet helped me a lot, even though I could only follow it in a limited fashion.

  It involves the use of medicines that you need a doctor to prescribe for you or the use of supplements that you have to be able to afford, the concentration on cutting out many different kinds of foods and a lot else that I, in my current state of feeling lousy and being so far beyond just broke, cannot deal with. So, I retain a few good ideas from it, put a pin in it as something I might get back to, and move on.

  One of the good things that I started, back when I was doing the Yeast Overgrowth diet - though I cannot tell you how much of this was in the diet plan and how much of it was me modifying things to suit my needs and abililties - was oatmeal, with various dried fruits, nuts and seeds. 

  I love to make oatmeal, for instance, with some craisins and cashews cooked into it, maybe with ginger and cinnamon as well; then, I will sprinkle some pumpkin seeds on top, add a little butter and maybe some honey or agave nectar, stevia, sugar or a combination of sugar and another sweetener. It is so good tasting and it makes me feel good, both in that I am eating breakfast and in that, it is true what they say about oatmeal leaving one feeling full for longer and having more energy throughout the day, because of how long it takes to digest. Hardy is exactly the right descriptive for it! 

 Now, I often have failed to cook such oatmeal, because I feel bad cooking something that others will not enjoy; bad for spending that sort of money dried fruit and nuts just for me, because I hate buying dried fruit and nuts and then having other people eat them, so that I am afraid to take them out and let them be seen, lest they all disappear and then I won't be able to do it, again; because I have a horrible habit of buying things and then "saving" them out of fear of losing everything which is a result of having been poor too long and robbed or stolen from too often; and, because it feels like it takes too long and is too much effort, which is partially because of living in a society where one must always feel rushed, it seems, and partially because I don't feel good!

  None of those reasons are particularly logical. Yet, all of them affect the way I live my life, every day.

   The fruit and nuts are not that big of expense, as, even eating that sort of oatmeal dish, every day, I would not use that much. A package of dried raisins or craisins cost relatively the same amount as a two 2-litre sodas, on sale. Yet, I feel good about having got the sodas, because it is a bargain price compared to normal, and I feel bad about buying the much more nutritious dried fruit, because it is self-indulgence and so expensive. What crap!

   Right now, I am living with just me and my son. Now, it is sometimes true that there are other people around who eat up all the craisins, raisins or whatever other dried fruit are around and nuts are a target for them, as well. However, those sort of people also tend to go through cabinets and find where things are hidden, and, if these foods are not going to benefiting me, because I cannot access them, there is no point in having them in the first place. That also answers the next concern on the list, please note.

  That leaves us with this feeling of being rushed, it taking too long. Do you know how long it takes to make a bowl of oatmeal in a microwave oven. I think it's something like two minutes,cooking time. It probably takes about 1 more minute to mix everything together and then it has to sit for a minute or two. During the cooking and sitting time, one can brush one's teeth, wash a few dishes, sweep a floor, apply mascara, go to the restroom, put on one's clothing for the day or many other activities. It's not a time consuming meal to create and the benefits far outweigh the loss of a few minutes, even if you do nothing else but stand there and stare blankly at a wall. Especially as staring blankly at walls can also be beneficial to your health, if done at the right time.

 As to my not feeling well, it is true; however, I feel more well when I force myself to do something that is so good for me. Especially this eating oatmeal thing, because, I really like oatmeal with dried fruit and nuts. I'll even enjoy it, sometimes, with sesame oil instead of butter and no sugar at all, or with not even any oil at all and no sugar. It's all very yummy to me. So, no more letting my fears keep me from doing what I enjoy, which will benefit me.

  Well, that is the rule. It is a rule I must learn to obey, now!